I've been dealing with this for a while and the game can just sometimes be overwhelming. I really don't know how to calm myself and it might be effecting my play. I've been told maybe its because I don't do enough physical exercise but I'm quite fit so I know its definitely a psychological/mental issue. Maybe its my ego that can't take losing? After all I did put quite a considerable amount of effort and time in this game so it hurts to lose against someone you know who hasn't done the same even if its only once out of lets say a hundred games. Chess I think is probably bad for my health, I honestly start to feel hatred or anger towards my opponent sometimes such as if they play it like blitz chess or something. Maybe Its about time I just quit chess all together, that option has really slowly grown more appealing to be honest. Has anyone experienced something like this?
I really don't know how to calm myself and it might be effecting my play
Many people feel this way, e.g. becoming excited after winning material, or becoming upset when we slip from dynamic equality to a losing position.
To paraphrase IM Josh Waitzkin, who has a tutorial called The Psychology of Competition in the Chessmaster program:
- Change your biochemistry to bring you back to the moment, e.g. take a break from the game, wash your face, or jog up a flight of stairs
- Don't feel positively or negatively about previous positions. Stay objective and focus on just the position in front of you, rather than the preceding events. This is what a computer does
Chess I think is probably bad for my health
I'm not a doctor and I can't advise you on your health. If you feel that it is impacting your health, see your doctor. After all, your health is more important than playing chess.
Maybe its about time I just quit chess all together
Before you consider quitting chess, I would advise that you try a different, slower time control. I dislike blitz because I just don't have the time to play at the level that I would like to do.
Also, you may want to consider what it is that motivates you to play chess. Is it:
- The competitive element?
- The feeling of self improvement?
- The artistry of the game?
- Social engagement?
- Something else?
If you don't feel motivated to play, then there is no need to force yourself into it.
- What you feel is very common. Try to train yourself to remain objective when playing chess
- If you feel the game is impacting your health, see a doctor
- Reassess what you want from chess. If it isn't providing what you need, consider trying a different hobby
I can certainly feel your pain. I too have "chess anxiety", and performance anxiety ("stage fright") generally. For me, on some self-reflection, I saw that some of it came from an "inflated opinion" of my own ability, and there are possible hints of that in your "considerable amount of effort and time" comment too. In many ways it seems that "chess cannot be that hard", and yet it certainly is. If you can come to terms with these natural psychological-denial- and ego-type issues, it could help. For example, can you envision the next time you drop a piece (and it will happen sometimes right?) just laughing it off as "silly me" and playing on? Your opponent may just as easily drop a piece (later) too -- in a way non-master chess is much like the blind beating the blind with their canes.
One time in frustration I played some don't-matter online games with the goal of losing. And was amazed at how many mates my opponents were missing. That was an eye-opener.
Another problem for me with gameplay was the clock vs. my perfectionism. I got much better results, and more satisfaction even when losing, by re-orienting toward faster-but-good/sufficient/reasonable moves over my usual best-move obsession. (One problem with the latter for me was it often blinded me to the fact that I was under an attack and needed a good defensive move rather than an offensive one. I.e. situational blindness.)
Hope some of this helps. Good luck and enjoy the game.
P.S. I agree with the suggestion to investigate "sports psychology", even though I haven't myself. Even if only reading a book on it...